


Easier

by tornyourdress



Category: Baby-Sitters Club - Ann M. Martin
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24442792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tornyourdress/pseuds/tornyourdress
Summary: It seems so easy for Dawn to be out and proud, Kristy thinks.
Relationships: Dawn Schafer/Kristy Thomas
Kudos: 26





	Easier

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [BSC femmeslash ficathon](http://www.livejournal.com/community/bsclove/32001.html) 2005.

Kristy wonders sometimes why it’s so easy for Dawn. Maybe because in California everyone’s into this hippie-ish love-whoever-you-want stuff that she’s so into, and it’s not a big deal for someone to decide that they’re into girls. Maybe it is just that easy in some places, and maybe if she’d been living in California at fifteen she wouldn’t have been such a peculiarity when she started telling people. Maybe she should have handled things the way Dawn does – casual but firm, like it’s no big deal, oh yeah, I like girls, the same way she reminds people she’s a vegetarian. Dawn’s even had proper girlfriends, unlike Kristy, who’s the town dyke in absolutely every way – the way she dresses, acts, campaigns – but one – actually dating girls. Funny that the thing that’s made her different from people isn’t who she loves, but how she’s dealt with the identity, the label. 

Dawn is still Dawn. She’s still herself. And sometimes, Kristy wants to shake her for that, for the ability to saunter into town at the start of the summer and be casual and blasé and still be the same person she was when she left four years ago. For the expectation that people will accept her, instead of being ready with arguments. For being the sort of lesbian that people don’t feel threatened by, because she’s _Dawn_ and she’s beautiful, instead of being Kristy, who’s always been a tomboy and still feels awkward in girly clothes, who doesn’t think too much about these things until the summer, because Dawn’s around, and it’s harder, then. 

Because for Dawn it’s all so easy, everything. Kristy worries hanging out with her will be awkward, like she imagines girl/boy things are for her friends, and she feels like Mary Anne with all the fretting, but Dawn just laughs and says that they’re still friends, and that just because they’re both gay doesn’t mean that they’re going to end up together. And Kristy knows that, but she can’t articulate it, and it’s frustrating, having it all be so _hard_. And when Dawn kisses her, and things start changing, she never minds if they’re in public and people can see, and Kristy knows logically that if she’s okay with going around trying to get people to sign same-sex marriage petitions and all the rest, she should be okay with kissing a girl in public, but it’s an effort not to pull away and make herself relax. 

And when they’re at Dawn’s house, and Dawn’s mom and Mary Anne’s dad and Mary Anne herself are there, and Kristy and Dawn are a _couple_ and they all know it, Kristy thinks it’s so easy for Dawn, to do the whole family thing, to be this free and open with her parents and her stepsister when Kristy still hasn’t been able to find the words to tell her mom and Watson that Dawn’s not just her friend, but her _girlfriend_. Because it’s embarrassing, this stuff, this love stuff. She used to think it was just because it was about getting mushy over guys, but it’s still the same about girls; she doesn’t think she’s ever going to be able to feel okay with getting overly emotional over whoever she’s with, and with her family knowing about it. 

It’s not until the summer’s nearly over, and she’s staying over at Dawn’s, and she walks into the TV room before Dawn realises she’s there, that she gets it. She looks at the way Dawn watches Mary Anne, how her gaze softens and then hardens before she forces herself to look away, and Kristy gets it. It’s not that it’s easy for Dawn, the being out and proud and casual about it all. It’s just easier than this.


End file.
